Well... Where to start...
...Your painting is amazing. Legit.
...I haven't been writing much lately because the mood hasn't struck me. I don't like to force my creativity, I just let it come out at times of boredom and contemplation.
To add insult to injury my computer isn't working properly so now I have to resort to the phone to type out my woes and I can't set everything out how I usually like to.
My OCD is not going to cope with this.
Court is the worst. I hate it. So much anxiety, so much embarrassment, it's the worst.
I remember there being a slight rush of excitement the first and second time I went to court, knowing my freedom wasn't on the line, and just revelling in the properly pronunciated nuonces of the spoken word.
I still tend to push the boundaries, I don't bow and I only speak if I have to.
My arbitrary ethics still besiege me most of the time...
I look on the big screen and see your initials and know you're tuned in to watch the big show...
Do you have your popcorn ready?...
Is the volume loud enough?...
I jest... I actually figure you begrudgingly watch because you need to see what happens for your own piece of mind, and I like to think there's a part of you that is sad because you know that as the dust settles, this has been a brutal destruction for me... And even in my darkest hour, I don't deserve that...
...the end approaches and there is some light but exactly what's on the other side I am still not sure.
The unknown is not something I desire.
For some, a reality shrouded in mystery and surprises might be enticing and all sinfully alluring, but for me it's nothing but a hollow abyss for the empty souls to waste away and rot...
...it's not for me...
...I like a bit more clarity...
I had a dream the other night that I was invited back to work...
...alot of familiar faces in that dream...
...can you imagine what it was like when I woke up?...
I'm struggling in social settings.
I had movie festival tickets this week and paid $90 to get into 5 sessions. Ultimately I only went to 3 and had to even force myself to do that...
...I just don't want to be around people and even in a comfortable setting I get restless and filled with angst...
...I come home and fumble about in my room until I eventually fall asleep for anywhere from 5 to 12 hours...who knows? It's like a little game of roulette I play with myself...
I'm bored.
Comments
Post a Comment