Well, where to start... So much has gone on that I feel it fair to provide you with an honest update as to what's happened, but I'm also very hesitant...
I was lying in bed last night and thinking - What's up with the 29th?
The 29th of each month, there must be something there.
Does it have to do with the moon?
The winter solstice?
There's something about the 29th and I'm still trying to put my finger on it...
On the 29th of July 2024, I last spoke to you properly, voice to voice.
8 weeks prior, around the 29th of May 2024, I committed all those terrible acts.
Going back to the start of 2024, I got myself in trouble around the 29th of December.
Prior to that, you were going through a breakup and staying at my house over the 29th of November 2023...
And over the 29th of September 2023, we found our connection with one another...
So, there's clearly something about the 29th...I'm not sure of what it is...
I feel so completely ashamed and embarrassed over what's transpired throughout this year...
...I've become a different person and it's been terrifying for me...
...I spoke with my ex in the last 2 months, and she said, "You've changed..."
I like to think that I've changed for the better, but that ideology is coming under question more and more by the day...
I started 2024 in hospital, seeking treatment at Northern Health in Epping for a laceration to my wrist.
Ultimately received skin graft surgery a week later.
A week after that I received notifications through Discord gifting me a sub to that fuckwits stream...
A week after that I fronted the police over charges of harassment...
A week after that I fronted court over those charges...
For the months following I continued to chase the girl of my dreams...
In May, I spoke with that girl, and she stated that she was struggling with the lying and cheating and wanted to put things on hold with me for a while until she worked out what to do...
...The conversation was calm and respectful...
...We said our piece, and walked away...
...After a week of spiraling out of control due to emotional turmoil, I eventually snapped and acted in a selfish and criminal manner, scaring people around me.
...I then lost my job, and my love...
After some contemplation over the events, I spiraled further...
Committed acts that I've never been known to commit in my prior 34 years on this earth, and dealt with the consequences...
Since May 2024, I have:
1. Lost my employment...
2. Lost my income...
3. Lost my house...
4. Lost my rental bond...
5. Written off my car...
6. Written off my DADS car...
Recovered from broken ribs, internal bleeding, liver laceration and head lacerations requiring stitches.
7. Lost my driver's license...
8. 2 suicide attempts...
9. Psychiatric assessments...
10. More medications than you can name...
11. Handed myself in to police, voluntarily...
12. Been denied support from Unfair Dismissal Australia...
13. Been denied support from other mental health support services due to reported suicidal ideation...
14. Been alienated by all my former colleagues...
15. Been denied adequate support from TAC due to documented alcohol misuse...
16. And been denied access to numerous support groups based on the money that I used to earn, or the money that I don't earn currently...
I have lost everything!...
And it's no surprise that after all of that, my saving grace is further drug and alcohol abuse....
...It's the only way I can face each day...
If there's a way forward it will be found together...
Comments
Post a Comment