So, I guess I give an update, do I?...
I haven't written much lately. I haven't found the desire.
That's not to say that I've been in a bad place because I haven't, I have however found less inspiration to put my thoughts down.
I had court again on Tuesday and it was adjourned. Again. I think this is the 3rd time.
Due back in 12 days.
It's been really tough riding this one out, even more than the last.
Facing up every 4-6 weeks with jailtime legitimately hanging over your head it becomes really draining and taxing on the soul.
I'll see my GP this Friday and get a letter of recommendation and then hopefully wrap all of this up on the 3rd of Feb, without any time spent in custody.
...Fingers crossed...
We're a funny little enigma, you and me.
We're in contact, we're out of contact, we're friendly, we're invisible, we understand each other's subliminal messages, and then we don't at other times also. We're in clear distress, then we're functioning normally.
I don't know what all of this is, but it is (and always has been) all consuming.
You seemed to have drifted since 01/01/2025. I'm not sure why.
We exchange written messages via pigeon on the night and you exclaim, "Do I really deserve any of this?"
I told you on the night that i wasn't sure exactly what you meant and I still don't, probably even less now since the switchboards fell silent, but I had a feeling you were going through some stuff.
I'm guessing you aren't now? You've 'made up' as such?
I really have no idea and to be honest I spend a lot less time thinking about it than I did in the past...
Time does heal all wounds.
I've made adjustments to the blog for 2 reasons:
a) I enjoy writing and posting stuff regarding how I feel about cinema or music or life in general.
b) I still live with the hope that you'll read it, and it'll finally reach you in a different way.
Regardless, I'm just going to continue as I am and if you pop up, then great. If you don't, so be it.
For me, it's not the whole "I'll be okay because I have to be" scenario, for me it's just that life goes on.
The sun sets and then dawns again and everything just continues, whether you're here or not.
So, it's not a matter of whether or not I'm okay, I exist, regardless of general happiness.
Everything above aside, I'm enjoying my new life.
I'm creating and producing music again which is a great love for me,
I'm studying a few things,
I'm as spiritually enlightened as I've ever been,
And I'm writing more than I ever have (gaps due to motivation included) and i have strong aspirations to use them to get a book published.
I think that would be a really special thing and it's not a secret that my creative edge could drive that.
So, I'm actually doing really well, I can feel that and I'm proud of that no doubt.
Still, would be nice to have that special someone to spend the hours in between with.
My music collection grows, and I continue to find inspiring things that keep me going,
I'll share the lyrics with one of the songs with you now and hope that it reaches you and encourages you to step forward from the dark.
As I wake
To a world of grey
I only wish
For a sudden end
---
The coming days
Bring more of the same
The shadow of
A man filling his prints in the snow
---
A despondent apathetic
Being a life
Detested and neglected
A heart grown so cold
---
When the straws you've grasped for so long have wilted and rot
When all you've known is winter
You will crave the warmth
Of deaths embrace...
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